


Ashes

by Sophia_Bee



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, But It's Donut so Does it Really Count, Character Death, Dark, Future Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 17:57:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2397545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sophia_Bee/pseuds/Sophia_Bee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Future Fic, Logan and Veronica meet every year on the anniversary of Duncan’s death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ashes

**Author's Note:**

> My original note: I finally got Seattle into a fic but it’s not fluffy.
> 
> My thoughts now: I've always really liked this piece although I've never been entirely convinced that it's that strong.

“Do you ever think about what was going through his mind?”

Veronica takes a drink of the beer she’s been gripping in her hand for the last twenty minutes. It’s warm and sour on her tongue and she grimaces at the taste.

“There was the note,” She says tersely. “You read it. What else do we need to know?”

The sky is overcast, a drippy kind of grey that makes you feel like steaming cups of tea and reading books all afternoon. The ground is wet and Veronica can feel the morning dew seeping through the canvas of her tennis shoes. She uses her free hand to adjust the rain coat a little tighter around her to ward off the chill that’s creeping into her bones.

She hates it here.

“I’m sorry.”

Veronica looks over at Logan who is staring at her like he can see her every layer and she feels like everything she has ever felt is laid out for him to scrutinize. She shivers a little. She hates how she feels like she can’t hide from him.

“Why are you sorry? We were broken up when he came up here…and…and…you and I were….”

Logan steps a little closer. Veronica steps away.

“You loved him.” Logan says quietly.

“ I did.” Veronica agrees. She doesn’t tell Logan that first love isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. “So did you. We all did.”

They are silent, staring out over the graveyard, not seeing the well cared for headstones, many adorned with fading bouquets of flowers. The graveyard is high on a hill and it always seems windy.

“I always wondered why here.” Logan sighs, glancing up at the sky. “Why not Cuba or Bermuda, at least somewhere warm. Was it his final ‘fuck you’? Did he know he’d make us visit this god forsaken damp place?”

Veronica thinks the steady drip, drip of the sky; the constant drizzle probably suited Duncan. It reflected the melancholy that had come over him in the days before he left. He’d stopped taking the pills after graduation. He’d sit by the pool for hours, just staring, wearing the same clothes he’d wore the day before and the day before that. Then one day he was gone.

A month later she got the call.

“He’s dead.” Logan’s voice crackled over the phone. Veronica blinked the sleep from her eyes and glanced at the clock. It was 4 am.

“What the fuck?” she mumbled into the phone, her voice still thick with sleep.

“Duncan,” Logan’s voice was shaky, “Dead. I found him.”

She flew to Seattle the next day.

It was the moment everything changed.

“I miss you.” Logan says softly. Veronica is watching as the fog that surrounded the buildings started to lift, a glimpse of sun in the sky. It’s a cemetery with a view, only the finest for the Kane family. She smiles a little. Maybe Duncan’s death-day would get some sunshine after all. Maybe it didn’t always rain in Seattle.

Veronica glances over at him. He has his hands shoved in his pockets and was watching her. Always watching. It’s such a typical ‘Logan’ stance that it makes her ache, makes her think of all the times she’s seen him stand like that, watching her, wanting her. She misses him so much it hurts.

“You don’t miss me.” Veronica says, her voice matter of fact. Everything changed the day Logan found Duncan lying on the floor of his rented apartment, his head in a pool of blood. “You miss what I used to be. What we used to be.”

Logan looks like he wants to say something. She sees his jaw clench, muscles twitch. He brings his hand up then drops it. Then he turns away, like it’s too painful to look at her. Veronica wants to cry.

“He’d be alive today, if not for us.” Veronica says.

“Does that mean we pay forever?”

The note had spelled it out. There was nothing left to live for. Nothing if she wasn’t in his life. He hated seeing them every day. She’d promised to love him forever. She was a lying bitch.

Veronica disappeared after that. She changed her cell phone, her e-mail. She told her dad she didn’t want to talk to Logan, counted how many times he’d call every day. Then the calls stopped. Sometimes she wondered why he gave up. She went to college and pretended everything was okay, that not having Logan was okay.

Until the anniversary.

She’d felt out of sorts for weeks before the anniversary. She snapped at her dad and yelled at her roommate. She just wanted to be alone. When she realized what was coming up, she understood what she needed to do. Twenty-four hours later she was standing in front of the grave, the wind blowing rain against her face as it blanketed the city.

_Duncan Kane_  
Beloved Son  
1988-2007

  
She knew she’d been expecting him when she heard his voice behind her, heard him say her name. She turned around and her breath hitched when she saw him. She’d forgotten how much she wanted him.

They’d fucked in his hotel room that night and Veronica had slipped quietly away in the early morning light, ducking into the light drizzle that coated her face.

That was seven years ago. Each year they met at the grave. Veronica would bring a couple beers. They would drink to Duncan. They would fuck each other. She would leave early in the morning.

“Yes,” Veronica says quietly. “It means we pay forever.”

More silence. Another drink of warm beer. Veronica can’t look at him. It hurts too much.

“Stay this time.” Logan’s voice is tentative. He knows the answer. It’s not the first time Logan has asked. It’s not the first time Veronica says ‘no’.

“I can’t.”

“God damn it Veronica.”

She still can’t look at him. She doesn’t want to see his pain. Hers is enough.

“Don’t you think there’s a reason I’ve never married? Don’t date? It’s not like I haven’t had my chances. But I’m an idiot. I wait for you.”

She used to read the society page, to scan for mention of Logan Echolls, of which starlet he was dating now. She never found anything. She always breathed a sigh of relief.

“We killed him.” Veronica says quietly.

“No we didn’t,” Logan’s hand is on her shoulder. His fingers are cold, burning through the fabric of her coat. “We didn’t put the gun to his head. We didn’t pull the trigger. We didn’t make his brains splatter all over the wall of that god damned awful little apartment. WE didn’t do that. Duncan did it.”

“No.” Tears sting the edges of her eyes. She swallows and promises herself she won’t cry. Not in front of him. Not again.

“I can’t live like this.”

Veronica finally finds the strength to turn and look at him. When she does, she realizes she loves him more than she ever has before. The realization twists deep in her stomach.

“We have to.”

It’s her penance for not loving Duncan enough. It’s payback for not being able to be the girlfriend he wanted. It’s the price she pays every day for the way her blood turned to fire every time Logan touched her. It’s the price she pays every year when she walks away and breaks her own heart over and over.

“No, we don’t. It’s time to stop this.”

Veronica blinks in surprise at the determination in Logan’s voice. Suddenly she can’t breathe. He steps toward her. This time she doesn’t step back.

“I’m not waiting anymore.” Logan says quietly, his hand coming up to touch her face. Veronica leans into his touch. She closes her eyes. “I’m not coming here again.”

“Please.” Veronica whispered.

“It’s over.”

“No.” She’s crying now, tears mixing with the rain, but she doesn’t care.

“I can’t keep doing this,” Logan said, his finger still stroking the side of her face. “I love you so much it hurts. I’m tired of hurting.”

“Logan.”

“I’m tired.”

She’s tired too. Tired of missing him in the middle of the night. Tired of wondering what he’d say if she picked up the phone and called him. So tired.

“I love you.” Veronica says, struggling to get the upper hand in the conversation. Logan’s fingers stop stroking her face.

“It’s not enough, Veronica.”

“Please,” She says, her hand curling around his neck, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Just take me to the hotel.”

“So you can leave before I wake up?” Logan hisses in her ear. “Do you know what that feels like? It feels like crap.”

“Logan…please….”

“He’s won.” Logan continues, his voice soft in her ear. “He can have you. I wonder how it feels to be held by a dead person. Can you tell me because he has a grip on you that you just can’t shake off.”

“…please…”

“I love you, Veronica, but I can’t compete with Duncan. It’s over.”

“Logan…”

“I can’t be stuck in limbo any more.”

Veronica clings to him, buries her face in his chest, lets her tears wet his coat. She breathes in the way he smells, letting his warm, musky scent fill her nostrils. She memorizes the way his hair feels on her fingers. She lifts her face and their lips meet in a soft and bittersweet kiss.

Then she is alone. Standing in the rain, watching him walk away, and she can still feel him pressed against her, still hear him whispering in her ear.

“I’ll love you forever.”

**The End**


End file.
